Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Facing up to reality

I have been putting off this post for a while. I really don't want to share. But I know I have to.

I have gained about 15-20lb. I don't know the exact amount as it's been a couple of days since I weighed myself and the last time it was 162lb. My lowest weight was 143lb.

There I said it.

It makes me feel sick to share that. It makes me feel so ashamed and embarrassed. It also makes me really angry at myself. I worked so hard for a year to drop 65lb and in about 4 months I have gained almost a third of that back.

I have been eating terribly. Not tracking or going to my WW meetings.

One of the reasons I stopped going was my wonderful leader retired. She waited till I got my Lifetime and left. She wanted to see me succeed before going. And the new lady is AWFUL! Ugh I cannot stand her. And there isn't another meeting I can go it.

Still not an excuse. I know the program. I can do it at home. But I didn't. I just stopped caring. And now my skinny jeans don't fit and it's getting cold here. I have about 4 items of clothes that fit me at the moment. It's disgusting.

I keep telling myself, tomorrow I will start again. And then I don't. I don't know why it's so hard to get back on track. I really don't know. It seemed so easy before.

Not having my drivers license is starting to affect me also. Billy has been working really long shifts and not having many days off in between so with him gone all night and asleep all day, I have been stuck here at home a lot. And it's started to take it's toll.

Basically it's the cost of putting me on the insurance that has stopped us from getting me my license, because in this state, you have to have auto insurance before you get your license. And because I have no driving history here, it's high.

But Billy & I talked about it the other day and we are going to try our best to budget for it. But of course now his brakes on his car need fixing so that's another expense we didn't foresee.

So a lot of things have been getting me down. My weight, being stuck at home a lot, money, missing my sisters wedding in Australia, being homesick etc

But I really need to get my head in the right place again and focus on the weight. Because if I don't I will be back where I started from.


5 comments:

  1. I understand. Everyday I'm going to get back at it, too. Know that I am rooting for you!

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  2. good on you for confessing Nikki I just want to give you a big hug !! You are right, you need to get on top of this now before all that weight comes back and believe me, I know how that feels and now I am back working my arse off to get this weight off again-- and kicking myself for being so bloody lazy and stupid enough to let it come back. you have been a huge source of inspiration to me over your journey, you can do this, you have proved it before. No excuses love just do it. <3 <3

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  3. All I can say is it's great you are admiring it now and sharing it as you can move forward. Having gained all my weight back I can tell you I'm definitely finding it harder to lose it again.

    Good luck babe xxxxx love you xxxxxx

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  4. I can relate to so much of this post!

    Last year I lost over 50lbs and reached a low of 147lbs. Then slowly over the next several months until this date. I have gained roughly 25lbs back. I am so mad at myself for doing that.

    I am a stay at home mom of two while my husband works, no extra money for fun activities with the kids so were usually stuck at home all day long never getting out of the house.

    You can your head back in the game and I am sure you will have many people supporting you (in real life and online). Good Luck! I am right there with you!

    ReplyDelete

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